Identity
by CassieKnight
Summary: A brief thoughtbased story on Anakin, now Darth Vader, as he thinks over and fights with himself concerning the events that changed his life forevertakes place at the end of Episode III: WarningSpoilers! Rated K just in case please R&R, but not un


**_Author's Note:_** This is the first fic I've attempted concerning Star Wars (note movies, not any of the books written, which I have not read yet, so you may not go on that). None of the characters in this are mine—they belong to the brilliant George Lucas. Please note, that this whole thing is like one big spoiler of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, however, after seeing that movie several times now I've had this urge to write about Vader's possible thoughts at the end of the movie. **No flames** are allowed if you don't like my work—this is a fanfic and I'm allowed to do what I want with my imagination. Any other comments are welcome and encouraged. Thank you; and enjoy :-)

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**Identity**

The pain and the suffering have almost been too much. The things that have happened…the things I have done…it's not me. At least it wasn't until now. In a matter of weeks…no—days, my life has flipped completely around. Everything was going the way I had always dreamed. My life as a slave back on Tatooine seems like it never happened. I feel like it was just a bad dream that I finally woke up from. I spent over fifteen years doing what I had always wanted to do as I was growing up under my mother's watchful eye. Now I'm a Jedi…no…I _was_ a Jedi.

Yesterday I was the happiest man in the galaxy. I had everything; skill, power that was growing by the minute…love. I was to be the proud father of a child born from the one woman I loved and cherished, the one woman I broke the rules of the Jedi code and married when it was forbidden; my love; my wife; my darling Padmé.

Now…today…everything's different. My new master told me what had happened early today. I didn't believe it at first…I didn't want to believe it. But I know it's true. I can feel it in my heart that she's no longer mine, that there's no chance to ever see her again. When I was dying, struggling to stay focused on survival, I felt she was still alive—I knew she was! She had only blacked out when I made use of the Force and my powers to choke her—when I let go and she fell to the ground, her beautiful brown eyes closed, I _knew_ it was just unconsciousness. I swear it…

I hadn't wanted to do what I did. I never would have even considered for a second on hurting her. I loved her too much—she was everything to me. I had always loved her, from the moment I first laid eyes on her when I was a child. But I was so angry. I knew that things had changed; I just didn't want to believe it. I didn't want things to get worse, just better. The anger and hatred that rushed through my body was even greater than that time on Tatooine when I discovered my mother was being held prisoner by the sand people.

Then Obi-Wan Kenobi betrayed me. None of this would've happened if it wasn't for him…if he didn't interfere. I just wanted to save her, nothing more! I'll admit it…I was afraid to lose her. And he turned against me because of it! He was supposed to be my mentor! My friend! My brother! And now look at me! Look at what I've _become_!

That's the second time in the past hour that I've shattered everything around me…anything that could break easily just did. Look at this mess. It's because of me that all these things lay in pieces on the floor at my feet. They're not my feet, though; neither one of them. I don't feel the pain there…or in my legs with the exception of my upper thighs. In fact, almost all of my limbs feel fine now. Of course…the reason why I'm even standing here now; the reason why I'm trapped in this hideous suit. Droids put me back together after my encounter with Obi-Wan on Mustafar. I remember it now. It was all pure agony. First a tight, twisting pain in my chest…then came everything else. It had been since I learned Padmé didn't trust me anymore, but especially when Obi-Wan used his lightsaber to strike me down, slicing off my legs and remaining flesh and bone arm, leaving only the mechanical arm I've had for several years now for any hopes of defense or survival. I guess I should be thankful Count Dooku chopped off that arm; it caused me to obtain this metal one, the only thing on me that didn't catch fire. Holding it up before me now, flexing my fingers, makes me feel like it had always been a part of me. With time, I suppose, everything else will be the same. It'll feel like they really are a part of me and not some nightmare I'm screaming to escape from.

But how could it? Right now the simple task of walking over to the window feels strange. There's no pain in half my body…any parts that were taken away from me because of Obi-Wan. The rest of me though…my stomach, my chest, back, shoulders…my entire head and face…I can still feel the burning. Whatever the droids had put on me soothed it enough to take away the sharp, searing pain I had felt as the flames ate away my skin, but I can still tell that any part of me that's still human will never even look the same. I'm scarred for life.

Look at me…it's not my reflection. This mask…there's no telling what's underneath it. I'll even admit I'm afraid to see what lies under its black depths…if there's even anything left to see. I can't even see my eyes through these black lenses. I'm covered in this suit's darkness, from burnt head to metal toe. My remaining flesh screams every time I move and it rubs against the fabric hiding it. But this suit is what keeps me alive now…it's my life support. It is now who I am. Every breath I take rings in my ears as a reminder that I am no longer Anakin Skywalker. When I spoke with my master after the surgery, my voice was not my own. The mask muffles it, makes it ten times deeper…and more threatening.

My master…Chancellor Palpatine…Darth Sidious…if it hadn't been for him I would still be suffering on that forsaken, ash-covered ground of Mustafar, limbless, helpless, practically lifeless, if not dead. He's the one who got me off that terrible planet, the one who got me help to save my life when my own friend, Obi-Wan, left me there for death.

What my master said was true; the Jedi were afraid to lose their power. Obi-Wan proved that to me. He made Padmé turn against me, fought with me until he got me down, and left me to struggle with only one arm to keep myself from rolling into the lava only yards away from my remaining body all because I had completely surpassed him in strength and I no longer saw things the same way he did. He said he loved me, thought of me as a brother. If that were true, he wouldn't have walked away like the coward he is. I hate him. I truly hate him. Mark my words, one day we will fight again and then, I will be the one to walk away. Obi-Wan Kenobi will die at my hands…I will make him suffer like he has made me.

If only Padmé hadn't been blinded by Obi-Wan's lies. With the help of Master Sidious I would've saved her. My dreams of her dying in childbirth never would've come true! She would be at my side right now.

Then again, who could love this? Even through the gloves and robotic hands I can tell this mask is hard and smooth. It shows no emotion…therefore, neither should I. Padmé is lost…. If I…killed her like Master Sidious had told me it was because I have become more powerful than I had ever dreamed of…she and Obi-Wan were just too weak to handle my accomplishment.

What am I saying? I can't live without her. The only reason why I even joined Chancellor Palpatine, the only reason why I destroyed Master Windu to save Palpatine's life was for the sole reason of saving my beloved Padmé. I wanted to grow old with her, watch our child grow, be happy…and now…it's over. Everything is gone. I am no longer little, Ani, as everyone always felt the need to call me. I am no longer a Jedi—I've grown beyond that. This mask—this face—is who I am now. There is no more love and happiness; there is _only_ power. Anakin Skywalker may not be able to live without his love, Padmé, but Darth Vader can…and _will_. He is who I am. The dark side of the Force has laid out the path of my destiny before me. I am more powerful than any Jedi who has ever swept this galaxy.

I am…Darth Vader.

"Lord Vader?" There was a brief hesitation after my name, but then came, "The emperor requests your presence on the navigation deck…sir."

This weak-minded person has fear written all over him. Even as I turn around I can feel the fear taking over his entire form. His eyes looking at me alone makes him tremble. And even though I said nothing as I took a more confident step forward, he stepped aside with his head bowed as if afraid I would kill him for disturbing me.

My strides don't feel as unsteady like before when I tore myself from the operating table. My strength, my power…I can feel it rising in my chest. The burns are just a temporary setback; they shall heal with time. It doesn't matter what I look like anymore—my appearance alone is making every clone warrior, every droid, every military man stop in their steps to look upon me with a new fear and a unspoken, sworn loyalty. No one will ever strike me down again. No one will dare defy me or keep me from having what I want. I'll only take orders from my master, Lord Sidious. Never again will I answer to someone who thinks they know more than me.

When the door to the navigation room opened I immediately felt dozens of eyes stretch up without moving the heads they rested in just to look at me. The tension swelled in every mind in the room…except for the figure directly ahead. He stood at the large window, hidden beneath his cloak, complete confidence, pride and power filling his entire being.

I paid the apprehensive men around me no attention as I walked over the ramp in the center of the room, my new cape billowing behind me, a thing I'll have to get used to along with the weight of the breathing device inside this suit. The newly self-appointed emperor, my master, stood still without the slightest movement. He said nothing as I joined his side and crossed my arms, ignoring the pain from the burns with every movement; my eyes adjusted with the inner red lens to view the construction of a space station underway directly in front of us. I had heard rumors about a secret design when I was still a young Padawan learner, but I had doubts that it was true. Now I see that it was and that the future will be much bigger than I expected.

"Soon everything will be complete," Lord Sidious said with that new raspy voice of his. "You and I will control the entire Galactic Empire."

"Yes, my master," I said in soft agreement. At this point, I didn't know what else to do or say. A part of me was still asking, lecturing, why I had let myself go down this path. Maybe…maybe I did make the wrong choice…

Lord Sidious turned and looked at me from under his hood. "Your thoughts still dwell on her. They betray you even hours after you put an end to all of it." He started to chuckle as he turned around and started walking down the ramp. I followed close behind, feeling that it was my duty to abide by his every command, follow his lead, and be there for any instruction.

"_She's dead_. You _must_ drop her. _Forget_ her. _Never_ let her enter your mind again," he hissed in words that struck what was left of my heart with such a force that my first instincts said to kill him. How dare he speak about Padmé like that…after what's happened to her…after what I did to her.

"Your anger," he chuckled, "it overwhelms you. Soon you'll learn how to completely channel that anger and use its full power. You've already tasted what it could do for you—you demonstrated this three times already today."

"I know," I replied quickly so he wouldn't go into it again…I knew he'd mention my actions on Mustafar or at the Jedi Temple. I didn't want to hear it. Its still pulling me apart…those younglings...my friends….

"Once the Death Star is complete we will have nothing to stop us, my young friend," he told me. "You won't need thoughts about your dearest wife and your lost child." My original metal hand folded into a tight fist. "You will become more powerful than you had ever even thought possible. When the station is finished, I will put you in command of it, Lord Vader."

The name sounded so familiar coming from him, as if it was always my name. He left me then and I made no act to follow. I had made a choice and now I will live with it. There is nothing for me now except what my master has given me. Already the power I've felt from the Dark Side is enough to keep me eager to learn more. I want more. I will get more! Like the Jedi, like Padmé…Anakin Skywalker is dead. Here, today, I start a new life, one that holds more potential for me; one that I had always secretly wanted to reach, even if now its without the people I thought it'd be. Once the remaining stragglers I once fought alongside are taken care of, the galaxy…will be mine.


End file.
